Discouraged, Determined, Devoted

I guess I'm not a very devoted blogger yet because I still haven't gotten to the point where I will blog from my mobile device while I am on vacation, haha. If you follow me on Twitter (@newlyidentified) then you know exactly what I have been up to for the last two weeks, traveling with my family and then traveling again with my husband's family. I seem to have no problem taking a few seconds to update you in 140 characters or less on Twitter. I may have to convert to blogging-on-the-go because next month is crazy, too. While I haven't been writing blogs, I've been thinking a lot about something important I have been learning recently. I've never really blogged about a personal lesson I'm in the middle of learning. But I have decided to, because that is the whole reason I started this blog. I wanted a place to share the things I was learning, and hopefully receive support from you, as I become "newlyidentified."

After writing my last post, hubby and I finished up our last day of working together (see this post). Following work, we went to spend time with his mother who was in town. Our time was spent having lunch and enjoying shopping at Tai Pan Trading Company, a wholesale home decor store, which I absolutely love. Hubby helped me pick some great things for our home. Later, hubby and I headed back home for a BBQ with our neighbors since it was a holiday. Then after eating we went out to watch the celebratory firework show! I absolutely love fireworks, and we had a great time with our fun friends!

My story really begins on Saturday morning, the 25th, when hubby and I woke up early and he drove me to the airport to catch my 7AM flight home to Boise. I had originally planned to fly out in the afternoon so I could spend a few days at home (once your married any days home are hard to come by), but an unexpected change in my family's plans led me to leave sooner. Hubby was not happy about that. I think partly because he's not a huge fan of spontaneity? Maybe he felt a little left out? He had responsibilities keeping him home.

That day I could tell that he wasn't happy with me, or the situation (leaving he and Mom #2 earlier than planned), or something. Even though he was playing it off really well, it was obvious to me that something wasn't right. I haven't been married that long--only 9 months on Saturday--but I know my husband well enough to read his signals. I arrived in Boise by 8AM but was only there a few hours before Mom, my brother and I left for a road trip across the whole Northwest. Our first stop was Portland, OR and then over the next few days we visited Seattle, WA and Northern Idaho. We even did a little afternoon trip across the Canadian border and back. Canada has some great candy not sold in the U.S. and it made the trip totally worth it! Meanwhile, as each day passed I started to feel more distance between my husband and I. Even though we were being cordial in our conversations, I wasn't very happy with the mediocrity and I felt like we were losing our closeness.

I finally made it back home to him a few days later. I had gotten a ride back to Utah with family. Hubby was supposed to come pick me up from their relative's house when we got to town, but due to a miscommunication he was a little late. Unfortunately, that killed my buzz of excitement that I had anticipating seeing him again. It was just little things that were happening.

The next day we left on our own little road trip to Moab, UT for his family reunion. We had a great time! We laid out by the pool, went swimming, went on a boat ride, and just had fun with family. However, I felt we were just dealing with each other rather than really enjoying one another. In addition, I was witnessing other couples getting stressed and frustrated with each other occasionally (lots of traveling plus heat didn't help them). I was beginning to feel extremely discouraged about marriage! Had I hit the point in my marriage where the "honeymoon's over" and now we just deal with each other!? After the reunion, when we made it back home I finally got up the courage to tell him how I was feeling. He didn't really respond to my plea very much at first. I wrote a desperate tweet, "I'm very discouraged. I poured my heart out and was left humiliated and alone." I was feeling horrible knowing in that moment we were settling with being just kind of happy instead of super happy. The next day continued, and again it wasn't a bad day...it just wasn't as good as it could be and I didn't want to settle anymore.

Finally, the that night I got up the courage to wear my heart on my sleeve again. I was determined to get him to do the same so that we could have a real conversation and understand each other. He finally opened up expressing his feelings, and we began to close the gap that had grown between us. Obviously, there is more to the both sides of the story than I shared. Nonetheless, I'm glad it wasn't a bigger issue because it was resolved early.

What I am in the middle of learning now, is that just because you were super happy yesterday it doesn't mean that you are going to automatically be super happy tomorrow. I was really confused over the last two weeks while going through this minor situation, because hubby and I had been really happy the last few months. I didn't understand how we had regressed. It wasn't even like things were that bad, they just weren't as great as they could have been and I didn't want to just be ok with that. As each day passed, I became more frustrated with the mediocrity that was slowly creeping into our marriage. Then finally I realized, duh...once you achieve "super happy" you have to continue to make that decision every day. You each have to be devoted to the selflessness, the conversations, the patience, the sense of humor, and the spouse that help you achieve that goal daily. I'm glad I started figuring it out while we were just kind of happy, rather than waiting until we weren't even happy anymore and wondering what in the world had happened. Finding the courage to speak the feelings that were making me scream inside was worth it.

Have you noticed cycles in your marriage, or other relationships? I am pleased to inform you, that not only are we super happy again...we are the happiest we have been so far!

Pioneer Women

Today, July 24th, in Utah is a state holiday to celebrate our ancestors, the pioneers. There are tons of festivities going on all over the state: parades, carnivals, craft fairs, rodeos, great food, and best of all... firework shows! After hubby and I finish our last day of work, we are excited to go spend some time with family and friends while enjoying some of these things. I absolutely love family and fireworks, it doesn't get much better than that.

As I have been thinking about what Utah is celebrating today, Pioneer Day, I couldn't help but think about what it would have been like to be a pioneer woman.



I, for one, really like being a modern woman. I'm not sure I would have made it to the West, or even to America, if I had to spend months on a boat and then months walking across the plains in harsh conditions with a cart or a wagon. Pioneer women walked across the plains from dawn to dusk, often in the extreme heat or bitter cold. A lot of them carried a child while walking. They went without food, so that their children could have more (however, there wasn't much to begin with). Sometimes someone in their family, in their company, or even they themselves were stuck with severe illness. Frequently those illnesses took lives. I don't know about you, but I don't think anything about being a pioneer woman sounds fun!

I have great admiration for pioneer women, though. I admire their faith and perseverance. I particularly admire my ancestors, who were Mormon pioneers that made the trek West to escape persecution. I admire their strength and good attitudes. I admire them for the sacrifices they made to find something better for their families. I admire them as homemakers, and that they were selfless. As a modern woman it is easy to get caught up in yourself.

There are a lot of people who made great sacrifices to travel West. As a graduate in American Studies, I recognize what an influence the West and the frontier as a whole had on American Culture. Overall, I think celebrating pioneers is a lot of fun. I am grateful I can take the time to reflect on how good I have it as a modern woman.

Do you have ancestors that came West? Can you imagine being a pioneer woman?

Two Weeks Notice

My husband and I put in our two weeks notice last Monday. Now tomorrow is our last day working at our current job. We have an opportunity to intern up in Washington with his dad's company for the month of August. It will be a unique experience we did not want to miss out on. The change of scenery will be refreshing.

I am having mixed feelings about tomorrow being our last day. I am extremely excited, because we have been working here since September and I'm looking forward to a change. Although this has been the perfect job while being a student, I look forward to new opportunities now that I am a college graduate. For this reason, I am celebrating the fact that tomorrow is our last day of work.

On the other hand, I am feeling somewhat sad that tomorrow is our last day. Tomorrow will probably be the last day my husband and I will have the same job, and enjoy the privilege of working together outside of the home. It has been so fun to come to work together, and know all of the same people. I love being able to see my husband all day long. I feel sorry for young married couples who hardly see each other early in their marriage because of work. I am grateful that we have had the opportunity to work together our first several months being married.

I am also feeling a little bit anxious, both in a good and bad way. I'm anxious to move on! Yes I'm anxious about what is next, since I have not figured that out yet. My husband received a phone call this morning and was offered the best/highest paying job on campus. He is really excited for the opportunity, it will be perfect for his schedule and fun. I am feeling less anxious knowing that he has his future plans squared away. However, I don't know what is next for me yet. I know I will be able to figure it out, I always do. I would just be nice to have things planned in advanced like my husband does.

Have you ever worked with your husband? What "two weeks notice" memories do you have?

Newlywed Sociality

When we first got married making friends was difficult. Not because my husband and I aren't outgoing or social, we are. We were just starting from ground zero all over again. We moved to a new apartment complex where we didn't really know anyone. It was something I had done several times in my adult life (move to a new apartment complex where I didn't know anyone). But this time the technique to making new friends was not the same. When you're single you get to know and really bond with other girls often through late nights of pillow talk. Now that I am married, the only person who I share pillow talk with is my adorable husband. The conversation at night is wonderful, but it wasn't necessarily contributing to my bond with others socially.

The first few months of marriage we were really motivated to get to know our neighbors and members of our church, who are also young married couples. We would have people over occasionally, and always showed genuine interest in others. Meanwhile, our busy work and school schedules were hindering our opportunities for social networking and bonding. The occasional hang out just wasn't making the cut. We were forming acquaintances, but there wasn't enough time invested to foster true friendships.

Since classes ended last semester--and both my husband and my schedules have lightened up--everything has started to change. We have started to have time to hang out with others more frequently, and the increased exposure to our acquaintances is really beginning to transform them into deeper friendships.




I had 6 bridesmaids at my wedding, and each one was one of my best friends from a certain time in my life: childhood, junior high/early high school, later high school, early college, and later college. I have been looking for the best friend that I would make at this point in my life, early marriage. It is the best feeling in the world to start becoming closer to these new girls. I'm excited to see what these new friendships will turn into as we continue to put time and energy into them. What makes it even better is that my husband and I get to make these friends together. It is so rewarding being able to have friends over, or go over to their place, or go out together and be creating new bonds together. Often times, these friends we are making are going through the same thing we are. Each of us are trying to figure out how we fit into this new identity, "newlywed," and what that means for our social lives.

This is a unique time in our lives. All I can say is, now that we are catching on to "newlywed sociality," I couldn't ask for any more. In the last two weeks we have done so many fun things with our new friends, and it just keeps getting better and better. We have been invited to a BBQ with two couples; had one couple over for dinner; had a campfire in the mountains with several couples; gone to Seven Peaks water park with another couple; had a game night with a few more couples; then were invited over for dinner and games with one couple. The best is that the attendees of many of these events have overlapped, which is what is making our new friendships grow deeper. It is getting to be so fun having more time to cultivate these friendships from this time in our lives.






Do you have different friends from different times of your life? Have you noticed if the way you made those friends changed as your identities did? I'm curious about your experiences.

The Remodel

I was fortunate enough to WIN this beautiful blog design by The Design Girl (TDG). I participated in the giveaway BabyMakinMachin was having last week, and was the lucky winner of a blog remodel! I love it! The new look feel fresh, and makes me feel more at home with my blog. I feel a little inspired, and I can't wait to get this rolling.

Are you proud of your blog design? Would you like a remodel yourself? Lucky for you, TDG is doing a giveaway of her own right now! I recommend you zip on over there and make sure you're entered in it!

Follow Friday

Jen from Family Affair has started the Twitter #followfriday trend for bloggers. I think it's a great idea and I am excited to participate!

I decided to spotlight Samantha from MamaNotes. I just started following her and reading recently but so far I am loving what I read. First of all I think her blog design is so cute. We're pretty close in age, and both married (her longer than me) and college graduates. She is a mother -which I am not- to a handsome little boy. But somehow I can still relate to her. Right now she is hosting what is called Body After Baby (#bodyafterbaby for tweeters), which is a group effort for I think over 50 moms and dads trying to get fit by labor day. I haven't had a baby, but I'm motivated by everyone participating. Go check out her blog, of course following and commenting is always encouraged!

Leave a comment here and let me know what you think of her blog!

The Twitter Wedge

If you follow me on Twitter, then you know that I love to tweet a little before laying my head on my pillow for the night. I have had the habit of doing something on my phone right before I fall asleep for years. I've just always done that to wind down, and then I fall asleep really fast afterward. I use to play TextTwist on my Palm Treo. The first year that I had the iPhone I got really into Sudoku, or a game of Solitair before catching some zzz's. Recently I have been thinking my little habit is more fit for a single woman, and it needs to be kicked to the curb now that I am married.

The few minutes between when you climb into bed and actually fall asleep are prime time for husband and wife bonding. It's the perfect time to cuddle, to talk, and to just feel connected to one another. Right now we are spoiled because we actually get to see each other a lot. We work together, and don't have any children yet so there isnt' too much coming between us. However, it won't always be like that. Life will get busier and throw more distractions our way that may put a wedge between us as we lose more of those minutes together.

I am creating an unnecessary "Twitter Wedge," that keeps us from being connected and winding down together right before we fall asleep. My husband brought it to my attention. At first I was annoyed, but now that I think about it I know it is true. I should be taking advantage or this time that we have to wind down together. I should be creating good habits with my husband, so that it will already be a habit for us later when we really don't have that many minutes together. Of course I won't stop tweeting. I'll just make better decisions as to when I will tweet. I don't ever want my husband to think he is second to something like Twitter or a game.

Do you have any habits that fill your pockets of time, and keep you from connecting with the important people in your life?